Forgiving but Not Forgetting: Reclaiming Myself After Trauma

Forgiveness is often misunderstood. People think it means erasing the past, condoning harm, or reconciling with those who have hurt us. But forgiveness, as I have learned, is none of those things. It is a gift we give ourselves—a way to free our hearts from bitterness while still honoring the pain we have endured.

For a long time, I wrestled with the idea of forgiveness. After experiencing something that shattered my sense of safety and self-worth, I wondered if I even owed forgiveness to anyone. The world seemed to push the idea that forgiving meant making peace with what happened, but how could I do that when my wounds were still raw? The truth is, I didn’t have to.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. In fact, forgetting would be a disservice to the strength I have gained. My past is part of me, but it does not define me. I have come to understand that forgiving is about releasing the power the past holds over me. It means choosing not to carry the weight of resentment, because I deserve peace. I deserve to heal.

Healing has not been linear. Some days, I feel like I’ve moved forward, and other days, the memories pull me back. But I have learned to embrace the process, to allow myself grace on the hard days. Becoming the best version of myself means honoring my journey—the pain, the lessons, the victories, and even the setbacks.

I have learned to set boundaries. I now recognize that my peace is worth protecting, and I no longer feel guilty for removing toxic people from my life. I have also learned that it is okay to be vulnerable, to seek support, to admit when I am struggling. Strength is not about enduring alone; it is about finding the courage to heal in the ways that serve me best.

One of the most important lessons I’ve embraced is self-love. I spent too long believing that my worth was tied to what had been taken from me. But now, I see myself as whole—not broken, not defined by trauma, but as someone who has risen from it. I have learned to cherish the things that bring me joy, to surround myself with people who uplift me, and to pursue a life filled with meaning.

Forgiving but not forgetting is an act of self-empowerment. It is choosing to acknowledge my pain without letting it control me. It is choosing growth over bitterness, healing over hatred, and love over fear.

To anyone who is on a similar journey, know that you are not alone. Your pain is valid, your healing is your own, and you are deserving of every bit of peace and happiness coming your way. Take your time, be kind to yourself, and never let anyone rush your process. You are becoming the best version of yourself, one step at a time.